Pole Mike, inauma sana

It is hard to imagine a mother being anything other than loving, caring, selfless, giving, patient and kind, but not all live up to these societal expectations.

There are mothers who would rather be out with friends dancing the night away every day of the week, than stay home with their children. 

 

These mothers are quick to leave their responsibilities with others while some are emotionally abusive, jealous, selfish, mean, cold, irresponsible and narcissistic.

 

Because of the pressure to fit in and the fear of being shunned, those with mothers who fall short of the ‘good mother’ qualities are forced to stay mum or pretend they have the best mum in the world — it is almost unnatural to say anything bad about your mother.

Mike, a lawyer in his late 20s, says he doesn’t have anything good to say about his mother.

“I used to be embarrassed when I was younger because my mother didn’t behave like other mothers. Mum was never there for my two sisters and me. Dad raised us while my mother was in and out of our lives. 

She would disappear and reappear at her leisure and dad always took her back. 

When we were younger, we thought she was back because she loved us and could not bear to be away from us, but as we grew older, we realised her return into our lives always had a selfish agenda; she either had no money or things were not working out for her. 

As soon as things got better, she would be gone without a care in the world,” he says.

Mike explains that growing up with an irresponsible mother who could not commit to anything made him grow up faster than his peers.

“Dad tried very hard to make a home for us and to fill the void left by mother, but there was only so much he could do.  She was never there when we were sick, or for school events. 

She was nowhere to be found during school visiting days. 

I was, therefore, forced to grow up fast and take on a parental role to my two younger sisters,” continues Mike.

To date, Mike’s mother is unapologetic and still wanders in and out of his life.

“When I was younger, I used to adore her and did everything to get her to stay and love us, but she never did, and my adoration turned into hate. 

 Now I feel nothing for her; I just accept her as she is. 

My youngest sister, however, was so affected by my mother’s lack of interest in us that she not only got into a lot of trouble growing up, but now at age 22, behaves just like my mother. 

She has a son who she does not care for; her son stays with my dad. She cannot commit to anything or anyone,” says Mike.

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